So here I was thinking ‘ I got this’. Momentum was growing, things were unfolding, good positive thoughts and feelings were firing and wiring together,…… the trap door wasn’t so big anymore,( so I thought ) until I got the flu and Mark said 7 day diet of no negativity! WHAT!! How am I going to do this? My old, mean, rotten, cruel blue print had resurfaced in the blink of an eye, I had synapseses flying off in alsorts of directions, my old ruthless friend had found a way to come back again. The flu had made me feel weak and vunerable and susceptible to my old ways. I have been fighting myself all week, This can’t be happening.
It suddenly dawned on me that this was all part of me chipping away at my cement. Berta said…. Things will not affect me provided I do not accept them by fearing them, by believing them, being indignant or sad about them or by giving them any power at all…. Be the observer and don’t dwell. The mere mention of not having negative thoughts put me into a negative state. I needed to just surrender to the process and just let go…. then observe what happens and then observe ever so gently the things that were happening in a non judgemental way…… instead of creating world war 3.
Even though it feels like we’re going at a thousand miles per hour, saturating our minds with alsorts of incredible stuff and hitting it from all directions, I have to be mindful that every day is a new experience and different obstacles are going to arise, just like the obstacle called the flu. I had a big moment of realising that I need to love myself through this, nuture myself, get to know myself through this, build the foundations so that they are rock solid with no trap doors.
A big part of my journey right now is to observe myself. I am learning to walk on my own for the first time in my life and I feel like a baby taking it’s first steps towards victory, like a baby, it takes sometime to get up, stand and then walk. No negative thoughts for seven days has been a mighty eye opener, it has sent me in a tail spin, ( world war 3 ) BUT! I will love myself no matter what, and learn and Grow AND become the world within. One things for sure, I have God on my side and I will greet each person and each day with love in my heart. xxoo